it's been ages. @_@. soo, i've finished first year! not much to share on that though...just that i don't learn not to procrastiate (NOT a good thing haha)...and now i've started summer school. Doing piano class, which is just playing songs (practicing them) and then a classical chinese ensemble class. the second class, i'm learning the erhu, a chinese instrument! it's pretty cool and fun, but the class itself seems to be a big waste of time. we get tests every thursdays (there are only 8 classes..) and then we're sposed to be tested on the stuff we learned on tuesdays. these courses are only 4 weeks long. but yesterday on our first test, i did my test, it took under two minutes. then i stood around for just over two hours waiting for the other testing to be done, which is a huge waste of time in my point of view. if we do this every week...i dunno what will happen. the class is over 80 students, and there're two teachers. so they split up about 40-40 students to test each. but it took that long. the class is only 3 hours, and we started late too, it's rather unorganized. but oh well, i'm having fun playing things and learning on my own...~

let me share a touching story...

Bolded and the single strike now show my revised schedule. Seems I'm not making much progress...-____-

March 23rd - Management Essay Due [Intended finish: March 20th]
March 24th - Japanese Quiz
March 24th - Politics Quiz
March 26th - Piano Recital
March 29th - Japanese Skit
March 30th - Management Presentation [Intended finish: March 28th]
March 31st - Japanese Final Test Part 1
April 3rd - Japanese Final Test Part 2
April 3rd - Politics Essay due [Intended finish: March 26th]
April 4th - Economics Assignment due [Intended finish: March 31st]
April 6th - OB Exam
April 7th - Macroeconomics Exam
April 10th - Management Exam
April 23rd - Political Science Exam
May 1st - Begin Summer School: Two courses, 12 hours a week
May 26th @ 5:30pm...


FREEDOM

upcoming.

Management Project, Political Science Essay, Macroeconomics Assignment, all due end of March/early April.

March 7th - PSO's birthday, 26th - Piano Recital, 27th - DD Jai's birthday, 28th, Salala's Birthday.

6th - OB Exam, 7th - Macro Exam, 10th - Management Exam, 23rd, Political Science Exam.

Hopefully, May 1st - 26th, summer school.

***

the week had been relatively uneventful, tho i did do some studying at school with Karen. somewhat productive, tho i'm usually not the type to study at schoo, so that may become a habit. then fellowship on friday night, followed by dinner with my platoon, something i've never done before, considering i missed the last two weeks of fellowship anyway.

today was sorta productive: taught one class, did my chores, washed the turtle tank, answered 7 telemarketing calls within 5 hours followed by one call from mom, read a story. mom came home at 7:15 to inform us we were eating dinner with someone, at 8;15. then she made calls and my sister informed me as I went to go shower that the time had been changed to 7:40! so i ended up tripping head over heels to shower and get dressed in order to get out the door for the dinner. came up and finised the story and here i am now.

Today, I was thinking several things, and i'll name three.

First, what if we could somehow record our dreams in video-format, and watch them, since we don't remember all of our dreams? I think that would be interesting.

Secondly, what if we could memory-walk? As in, go back in time to see things again, perhaps in better detail, or just to 'remember' something you forget...like...being a baby facing our parents for the first time? of course, then u'd run into the risk of having people live in the past. but i think to some extent it'd be interesting.

Thirdly, I had this idea...of a perfect flaw. the idea of how people create 'perfect' things (they have a vision of this thing in mind) and when they come out, for some unknown reason, differently, they call it a flaw. But perhaps this 'different' is a good thing. It can't be replicated, there's not way of making another. So isn't this the actual perfection? I'll give a simple example.

Consider that u r a pastry chef, and you have a specialty 'cake' u make. One day as u make this cake, something happens, something u don't realize, causes a glitch in your perfect cake. It comes out differently although in your mind u did every step, every proportion the same as all the other specialty cakes you have a reputation of making. You don't know what happened. This cake, as a result, would be considered a mistake, it has a flaw of some sort. Then you decide that before you throw it out, you taste it. And it tastes really, really good. But you can't make it again. So wouldn't that be the perfect flaw? Wouldn't that be the real 'perfect', not the specialty cakes you make?

This thought sorta gave me a new view on what perfect is. Then my imagination spun this further into almost a sci-fi fic.

Consider a place where scientists work to create humans, and do so by splicing genes to get the 'perfect humans', all fit to do tasks they were meant to. So they try to create this assassin, but by some glitch, the assassin is blind. That's a flaw, and a big one; how can you do your job as an assassin without eyes? But with this flaw comes another one; his ability to fully merge with his weapon of choice. Now, what would be better than a being who could become one with something he should use to carry out his task? After all, as the perfect assassin he should have no human error, but now, he is blind, BUT he is able to merge with the weapon, taking away the possibility of material error (like the gun clogging or something), and adding that on top of his 'no-human-error' trait. So wouldn't he THEN be the perfect flaw, especially considering he cannot be re-created?

Yea, this is what I think about. strange eh? My imagination just goes on and on. haha ^__^''

one of my long-time close friends whom i haven't seen in ages coz he lives in the state called me a dork (good-natured of course) so i changed my MSN name to reflect that. Then I called him a schbum (since he also called me a bum) and he changed his name.

Something silly, i know, but when he signed in and I saw his MSN name, it made me smile. it's a nice feeling to be missed by someone haha. =)

so my bad week with the two midterms, two papers and two quizzes is over.

I originally only had one paper. then i friend asked me to help out with his. It was his study week, but he was really, really sick. Canada just had elections for a new government party, and he had to choose a social policy and then three of the parties and write about them. So yea, I did the research and even separated all the websites into the different paragraphs he could use them for. He approached me for this paper 3 weeks ago, and gave me the info two weeks ago, then it was last week tuesday that he actually came up to me for the work; i mean, tho i got it 3 weeks ago i wasn't gonna do it all for him...! anyway, so i got him all the sources, and i told him that i had a midterm on thursday so i dunno if i could help him more than what i had done tuesday night (which is outline ALL the research!!!!) plus, it's not a topic that I am good at...so then he told me he was still really, really sick, and i knew that he was....so in the end on wednesday i took 3 hours of my study time to write his paper for him.

i know i shouldn't do people's homework. but he was so sick, and frankly if he wrote it and i promised to edit it (that was originally what it was gonna be, i would edit it..EDIT it....) and b/c i've editted in the past, i know it will take longer, plus the fact that he was sick and didn't know what he was writing (since i did the research) i figured i'd save more time if I did it. was it a bad choice? Then he told me it was due thursday midnight. great. anyway, it was okay that i finished it on wednesday night, but he was sleeping so i emailed it to him, asking him to read it, fix it up, give me feedback on it. afterall, i got his teacher's instructions thru him, and only HE knows what the professor REALLY wanted.......right?

What made me mad i guess, was the fact that when i called him and said 'i'm on my way home from school and i'll be there in 1.5 hours, please be online to discuss the paper', and when i got home, he still hadn't done it!! then another two hours later i asked him again, and he only said to me 'really, i think it's okay.'

the kind of turmoil was...it wasn't that i tried to be pushy about it, i didn't WANT to be pushy about it. but considering i wrote it for him, and he was just gonna submit the way it was, what if it comes back as a failed paper? i know he said he'd take all responsibility, but it still makes me nervous to absolutely no end. when i told him that i didn't know if i could help him since i had all this stuff due, he kept telling me 'you're so smart, you can do it!!'.....*sigh*. i knew he was really sick so i felt i just had to help him...but....

in other news, i hurt my neck. again. shovelling snow, and carrying some heavy stuff for my mom. the pain spread to my shoulders and gives me headache, since Wednesday (adds to the wonderful studying for my midterm, writing his paper, along with the paper i had due on friday along with two quizzes. wonderful eh?)

so the week hasn't been all that great. the macroeconomics exam was so hard. anyway, done my complaints...

so ren's birthday was last thursday. we celebrated on saturday night at dinner, and all day i worked on putting her present together. 19 presents!!! I got her bookmarks, burned her a CD, bought her a fish along with a tank, a bouncy ball (for entertainment), letter paper and pens so she can write to me since we don't see each other 5 days a week anymore (u know, u kinda miss them after 4 years of schooling together...!), so accessories and then a bunch of junkfood to fill up until I had 19 presents. haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN RENY!!! we even gave a cake to the restaurant, just one slice tho. Why? Because we were eating at a buffet kind of place, and last time on my birthday they bought me a cake after japanese buffet and no one could really stomach it. haha. so then we got her a slice but it turns out the restaurant offered a slice of cake!!!!! and on TOP of that, ren was suspicious when a friend gave the cake to the waitress, and a second waitress came over later asking 'who's birthday is it?'.....as if THAT wasn't obvious enough!!! geeze. anyway, it was still fun. I put a candle into her dessert (shaved ice with syrup!) after her sister pulled her away to the bathroom for a minute. Then we "sang" the birthday song to her. The reason i put that word in quotes is because we were TOTALLY off key, there were 9 of us singing coz ren was laughing and we all picked different keys and everyone looked at us. *ahem* yea. so then afterwards we sang again when the waitress brought the cake over with a sparkling candle (the kind that looks like fireworks?) and then we sorta sang again coz she was playing music with a speaker!!! thennnn i pulled out another candle to put on the second slice of cake, the one we had bought (which was yummier...mango cheese cake!) and then a friend was like 'let's sing again!" and the rest of us were like "NOOOOO!!!!". so yea, that was fun. =)

Reading week is just about over....

Saturday 11th - at home. practiced piano. went online. wrote. read (not school text). got neighbour to fix car. dine with mom. insomniac.

Sunday 12th - piano lesson. T&T shopping with mom. insomniac.

Monday 13th - stayed home. practiced piano. wrote. read (not school text). slept at 3am.

Tuesday 14th - lunch with mom. taught piano. watched Firewall (bad movie), ate pho, had an issue with a 'friend', and went to bubble tea =). went home. slept at 6am.

Wednesday 15th - woke at 9 when mom made lot of noise. chat with sister in my bed. met Siu Bun Bun on the bus at 12. North York Center Staples. Haig to give DVD to chiao chiao. Eaton's Center, introduced bun bun to pretzels (not the cookies, the big bread stuff haha). shopped. met winnie, walked with winnie. split with Winnie, went to the ROM (Royal Ontarion Museum which i hadn't gone to since grade 2!!), waited 0.5 hours for free entry, looked at the mummy and bat cave and other things, went to BCE place to eat, then home. thx bun bun* Slept at 4:30am despite only 3 hours of sleep the previous night and a day full of walking and events. I commented to a friend 'the mummy looks the same from grade 2!!!' and my friend said 'you're so cute. the mummy isn't sposed to change! ur sposed to greet it and say "hey! long time no see, you haven't changed a bit!"'. @_@.

Thursday 16th - Went out for alone-time beause of a conversation the previous night. Came home to teach. thought some more. a day full of evaluation, asking why, wondering, pondering, excusing, creating, mistaking and...just not a good day in general. Slept at 4am.

Friday 17th - woke late, finally. had 'lunch' with mom at 3:45pm at FMP's Firefly, got watch fixed, walked around a bit, went home to 'study'. still thinking a lot and couldn't concentrate. mom didn't let me go to fellowship, so i stayed home. in those hours, hardly knew what i was doing. thought some more. read (non school text) in attempt to divert attention. realized at 12:30am i forgot to eat dinner, but wasn't hungry. who the heck forgets dinner? i do. stupid. Slept at 5am.

Saturday 18th - Happy Birthday Latrell. Taught two classes today. Did chores (vacuum, mop, bathrooms, laundry, dishes). Showered, read some econ (very limited 'some'), showered. Ren, Takayo, Salena, Elan came over to cook in order to celebrate my uber belated birthday and ren's upcoming birthday. made chicken terriyaki udon, veggies, 'classic birthday cake' including the icing that didn't look like icing at first, and berry fool. Played Hotel board game. we have such healthy gatherings haha. they went home. i chatted with takayo, who left later. then when she left, ren called me to tell me she got home, then we ended up chatting additional 56mins. that's what's bad about gathering in my home, we cannot go off to a corner to chat like at other people's homes. but it's okay. they have reading week now, so after my big week, things will be better. i ended up exhausted from those few days of 'early sleeping'...and i didn't even manage to collapse and fall asleep until 3am. sucks huh.

Sunday 19th - had piano lesson, must catch up with everything. must FORCE self to sleep early, but nothing works (studying, writing, reading, closing eyes and lying there unmoving, nothing nothing, nothing!). but i will. i hope. ack. i just feel so frustrated!!

Monday: back to school, teach two class. Tuesday: Macro midterm. Thursday: Ren's birthday and Mgmt midterm. Friday: pre-writing 7 pages due for politics, japanese quiz.

after this week...things will be better, i really hope. it'll be one of those weeks that just won't be over, but within it, time is passing too fast. can't believe it...is the school year almost over?

i want to stop the thoughts, concentrate on school...and sleep. gosh i want to sleep...

there's just so much going on..and...ack..there's this void..oh geeze. =__=

I just read a rather sad story that made me do some bit of reflecting. Though the story is fictional, and sci-fi, I can't help but feel like bawling my eyes out because of the ending.

A quote: "History repeats itself, despite our best intentions and efforts."

The story is about a soldier, who returns home to find his beloved dead, murdered. The impact of that event caused him to develop a talent that allows him to control and kill with thoughts. (The sci fi part). This is important because some outer-space 'aliens' are trying to annihilate human kind, and it is the soldier's talent that allows him to save mankind, along with six others with talents that are less extensive but more developed in other areas. The first attack by the aliens wiped out 3/4 of the human population, but in the end, the 7 talented people were able to save the remaining population by killing all the aliens, 20 years after the death of his lover. Then, with that accomplished, the soldier is told by one of his 'fellow talents' that someone of the other race had managed to sneak past barriers and travel back in time with their technology, and they left behind the machine which would allow someone to travel back in time to find and kill the alien. The soldier jumps at the chance, believeing he could kill two birds with one stone by travelling back in time to get rid of the alien, as well as to save his beloved.

He finds the alien, only to be told that the mission of the alien was to ensure that his beloved did not die. He realizes that in the future, he had prevented the genocide of his people by causing another genocide, that of the aliens. He then realizes why the alien had been confident he would be the one chosen to travel back in time; he would want to save his beloved. And why did the alien try to save the beloved? Because it was that murder that caused the soldier to develop his talent, through the impact of the events, and the soldier realizes that if his beloved lived, he would not have the talent to kill the aliens, and his entire human race, including himself and his beloved, would die all the same. He kills the alien, finally choosing the human race over the sacrifice of his beloved, but he wants to see her one last time, to say goodbye, and most importantly to see the murderer and take revenge.

He sees her, and she recognizes him though he is 20 years older. He is so upset that he spills out the story of the alien invasion, his talent, and his place in the genocide. He even tells her of her death, her sacrifice. She is surprised, but oddly enough, she believes that if her death could save human kind, then she was ready to die, though her regret was in leaving him. He was losing time because the murderer was due to show up shortly, and he takes her into his arms one last time, letting his talent flow around them, fusing their thoughts and final moments together.

You can sorta guess what happens here. Yes, he realizes that there is no murderer, but he, having travelled back in time and met the alien, knows that her death must happen in order for him to develop the talent and save mankind. And because their thoughts are fused together, she realizes that he must kill her. She is still willing to die, saddened that she had to give him the choice of killing her.

"It rolls over us like a tidal wave, unerring and inexplicable"

He does it, in the end, because he rememebers that her sacrifice would save mankind.

He returns to the future, saddened by the knowledge, and his close friends ask him why he is so somber and upset, knowing that he had tried to return in time to save his beloved, but since the beloved was not there but the aliens were annihilated, the soldier had not managed to save his lover.

"forever repeating, forever looping."

He's defeated, realizing that he had managed to travel back in time, and was unable to change anything (well, he does kill the single remaining alien). And he says to his friends, he must complete one more thing before he dies. His friends are afraid that he would commit suicide, but he denies that.

He says, he must live until fate takes his life, because he must face the vengence he places on himself for having killed his beloved; he must live alone until death with that knowledge. Secondly, he would live for her, for the peace and life that she had helped to create.

"I could not escape it, I could not defy it."

What a story.

You can't escape time. I guess sometimes we all wish for time to turn back so we can fix something, do something, to make up for a mistake. All those stories, such as the movie "The Butterfly Effect" which tells of moving back in time to change the future...this is the first story i read in which history, fate, and time are our ultimate destiny. We cannot go back to drastically change the future...this is the only story I've read in which this fact is pointed out.

Kinda makes me feel defeated, and saddened for the soldier who had to make the choice between the world and his lover; he could typically say he would rather die with his lover and make that choice. But he had to chose to kill her, to chose the genocide of the other race over his own for the people who had fought so hard for peace before this alien invasion.

This story is actually a fanfiction based off an anime named Gundam Wing. I changed it slightly because in the story, the soldier and his beloved are both guys (yes, people who view the 5 main characters as gays coz they're all guys, especially since the author did admit that one pair of them is intended to be portrayed as gay, however, not the soldier and his beloved in this story.) It was recommended to me from a friend, and as I read through these stories, I find that, other than the fact it involves guy/guy relationships, a lot of these are full of little morals and excellent writing...i'm completely addicted. But this story definitely has me thinking for a while.

There's another one a read by the same author, and I will share that next time.

Upcoming is three weeks of tough-ness.

This week: one essay, one japanese skit, two online tutorials due.
Next week: reading week, which means no school. However, all time will (hopefully) be spent on preparing for the week after. However, my sis has school and mom has work, and i'm really afraid i won't be disciplined, and i will lack motivation.
The BIG Week After: Management Midterm, Macroeconomics Midterm, Politics pre-writing essay due and Japanese test!!!

yea, i'm sorta freaking out, but it hasn't really hit me yet. You guys know me long enough to know that i sorta carry on the 'don't care' facade until...it hits me in the face, and then i freak out. yea, i should work myself out of that babit, but unfortunatley, i've had this 'babit' for a while. yes, i do mean habit, thank you very much.

moving on.....Chinese New Year wasn't particularly...spectacular. I went to one dinner. lolz. nothing really big happened....but hey, the food was pretty good. then...i was online at a forum when i saw something about a flying alarm clock. what it does is when it rings, the launch pad sends the alarm clock flying, and the only way to turn it off is to get up, catch it, and put it back onto it's launch pad. However, what if it flies too high? hits the wall? and worse, hits me in the head?! no, not a good purchase, but funny all the same. hehe. hehehe. hehehehe. okay i'll stop.

so how has everyone been? =)

OMG Lisaaaaa i gave some of the mozart balls to some friends to taste and everyone says they taste alcohol in the middle?! is it me...or is it true...or something? omg they're accusing me of sneaking them liquour ;_;

So i've been asked to list out 18 accomplishments/first times/and important memories in the last hour of my 18th year. In no particular order, just as they come...

1. Grew in my faith in God, and though there have been times of almost letting go, I persevered. In this, I also went to my very first Gospel Camp, the unforgettable To-Do-Gate Camp in the summer, and also had my cousin Wendy join me in fellowship whenever she could.
2. Survived high school, and miss it. Achieved my OSSD, as well as my Claude Music Diploma. In this survival, I survived calc, university applications, and endless rehearsals along with 3 switches in my majors teachers.
3. had my fourth and last concert in the Toronto Center for the Arts. I'll miss the green room, as well as the attitude adjustment room.
4. Got into the program of my choice after much decision, now am relatively happy in Schulich.
5. Got a digital camera, laptop, as well as a new MP3 player
6. Got my two turtles, and they are still alive, very fortunately.
7. Experienced the first flood of my life in the summer.
8. Brought a friend to believe in God, and that feeling...was soo good.
9. Worked in elections for the first time in my life.
10. Finally set up the mic and webcam on this side and in HK so i can finally chat face to face, voice to voice with not only my cousins but also my por por...
11. PROM (need I say more?)
12. Finally have a chance to live the dream of an aviation fanatic...viewing that is. Love it.
13. Got my G2 (and haven't driven since)
14. Received my first scrapbook ever, courtesy of Salena, or the Great Sallah. Thank you!!
15. Will begin to serve as Archive Ministry Coordinator!
16. Work experience, quit from loblaws, worked in a law firm, worked in a music studio, found out what it's like to plan something and fail it, and also teach at home with my cute students.
17. Reaffirmed some friendships: Ren, Susan, Richie, Demps, Will...so many. Finally have a chance to go out more with some friends over weekends to just meet up since we no longer see each other 5 days a week for many, many hours.
18. experienced the stress of university...in the form of physical pain in my stomach...no, i don't want an ulcer..!

Pictures are here =)

The first two collages were taken a short while ago...! labelled from top left to bottom right!

1. Ren and I with Michael's hand.    2. Thinking PSO.    3. Ren and I again     4. Ren with PSO.    5. Me with PSO.    6. Me and PSO again. (gosh, so much taller than me!!) All taken at World Bowl!

then........!

1. My Surprise Cake!    2. Raw Day Fast Down Fiona!    3. Me, Michael at the back, Will, Dennis far back, with cake! haha i love you two, you're so silly!!    4. Funny Michael as I cut cake...

group shot! Will had to run in after setting the timer. Left to right: Bora, Will, Chiao, Michael, Me, Dennis, Coco, Reny-poo

mom and i with my cake~

Reny-poo and I! see her scarf?! i made it!!!

and Will, Mr. "Lang Chai" alone. Yes, I know your birthday was last week, so I will share my cake with you...so u get ur own picture

More from another trip, next time..!